First Month of College

Hello TimeTravelBalloon family,

Hope everything’s safe at your end (honestly though, manifesting a day when I don’t think about COVID while saying this).

January’s come to an end and needless to mention, I had once again been procrastinating writing. Firstly, this baby’s 4th birthday is going to be here soon so not being in touch would be kinda sad right?

Let’s talk about 2022 first. Funny how as you grow up weeks pass by within just a blink. I don’t have any resolutions anymore. I think they’re rather absurd, or how one of my favourite artists put it,

“I learnt, long ago, that new year resolutions are useless, that the turn of the year is really only a date, but continuity needs punctuation to make sense.”
(@/amitesh.grover on instagram)

And so, if there’s anything I want from myself (and not the ‘year’) is to fall in love with life. That’s it really. Very cliche, I know but there’s really no other way to put it and well, what’s a virtual diary entry without a little drama?

Now let’s talk about college, something I’d been worrying about for over 4 years. Of course, I thought I’d write a very pretty (spoiler alert) moving away blog and I wasn’t expecting to write about my first month like this, but eh you gotta make do with whatever you got right(?)

Kinda struggling with expressing how I’m feeling about online college because there’s not a lot to say when you spend your entire day in front of the laptop screen, dealing with occasional burn-outs and then getting up and meeting the deadlines anyway. Also, kinda funny how we were bombarded with quizzes right after the first week. “Well that’s IISER-B for you, welcome, I guess” is what we were told .

Other than that, I just spend my time watching a lot of random things on YouTube and this is a little embarrassing to admit but I cried after watching a handicapped dog learn how to walk again. (10/10 recommend, though. Very wholesome.)

In hindsight, having a solo concert around your room at 2 am is very, very therapeutic and once again 10/10 recommend. This is your sign to do it.

I’ve realised college makes us question a lot of things, maybe even ourselves sometimes. And I think a lot of us are of the idea that it’s just about a degree when it’s really a process that’s way beyond just academic learning. All this while I was surrounded by people who constantly made me equate my self worth with how well I do academically and if there’s one thing that I wish to overcome in the next five years, it’s this.

I hope that by the end of five years, I have a box full of Polaroids with random dates and notes; that I’m a better person: kinder and more empathetic and that I learn that I’m more than just a test score. I could write more about what all I “hope” I am by the end of college but truth be told, I haven’t the slightest idea of what’s in store for me. It feels a lot like temple run if I’m being honest (minus the game over/lives lost, obviously.) Apologies for the out of context example, I’m a noob when it comes to gaming.

At the back of my mind I’m constantly thinking about how much better I used to be at this but I’m trying to let go of constantly trying to be perfect (it’s kind of freeing actually) and this might be an attempt at the same.

(On a side note, I hated Grammarly but it’s giving me cute emojis as reviews as I type out a paragraph which is lowkey very validating like “Hey!!!! Yes!!!!! Good Job!!!! Keep writing!!!” Guess it’s not so bad huh)

I have realised that it’s a lot more comforting to tell myself that I might be finally moving to college in 60-70 days, rather than “2-3 months”. Human psychology is so weird. I’m really not even as excited about my birthday (Yes, I’m big on birthdays and no I will not shut up about it) as much as I am about moving away and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’ll be turning 20.

For now, I just hope I get out of bed more often and spend more time with the people I love. Also, really cool of me to write a blog just before a very academically challenging week (I don’t know if I’m being sarcastic anymore.)

Until next time,

B

Here’s one of my favourite comic strips for you. Thanks for reading 😀